How do you approach the holiday season when you've just lost a parent? More to my specific struggle, how do you approach Christmas when your Dad was Santa (see: previous holiday posts) and he's gone?
There is a not insignificant part of me that would love to just skip the whole thing this year. Every song, every decoration, everything, just tears me up inside, and it would be really nice to just put it away for a while.
But I have two young children. Children who've already been taught from birth that Christmas is magical and amazing. Children who deserve to enjoy the legacy that their grandfather left them - that Christmas should be relished, spent with family and friends, celebrated, well and truly.
And beyond that, I married a man who loves Christmas as much as my Dad did. Our wedding was a giant Christmas party. He took over playing Santa for the kids this year, so that they wouldn't have to do without. It wouldn't be any more fair to him than to our kids to neglect our favorite holiday.
So, I muddle through. I cry my way through carols and specials and stores. I'm more absentminded even than normal, which is REALLY saying something.
Maybe there will be a day, in the future, when I won't feel this constant ache. I don't know. Maybe? But I can say with certainty that it will never, ever be the case on Christmas. I will miss my one true Santa forever and ever.
