Big Sky

My parents have had the same best friends since I was about three. Over the years, they've become more like an aunt and an uncle - in fact, that's what I call them - and their kids are my cousins. My uncle's parents were like another set of grandparents to me, growing up.

When I was six, I went on vacation with their family and my uncle's parents. During the trip, I called a summit with the grandparents. I sat across the dinner table from them and very solemnly asked them if they would mind if I called them their "grandparent" names - Mimi and Papa. They graciously accepted.

Mimi passed away in 2004, and Papa passed away overnight last night. Much like my grandparents whom I've mentioned here many times, they had a great love story. As such, Papa was never really the same after he lost Mimi, so as sad as I am to have officially said goodbye to a man I adored, I'm glad he is reunited with his great love. The title of the post is a nod to the fact that they grew up in Montana, so my aunt said this morning that Papa had returned to Big Sky Country.

It felt only right to pay a small tribute to my "other grandparents" here. They had one of the most unfailingly welcoming homes I ever had the privilege of visiting, and I will never forget that.

The Struggle

I had a really bad weekend. Not in terms of events, mind you, just in terms of my own state of mind. I don't know what the eff was going on with me, but I was an emotional mess. I felt like crying pretty much all weekend, and frequently did actually break down. Most notably last night, laying in bed next to a beleaguered and injured (pinched nerve in the neck) E, who was, as ever, supportive and patient and loving.

What was going on? I'm not really sure. Normally, when it gets this bad, it's hormone-related, but I can't really see where that would be the case, based on dates. Or, it could be thyroid related, but there again, I can't see how it would be, since I don't have any other symptoms.

More likely, it's a combination of things. 1) I am putting way too much pressure on myself to get back on the baby wagon. Shocking, I know. 2) I need to get my fat as* to a gym and get back in shape. 3) E was out of commission most of the weekend, which is only relevant b/c to a stay at home Mom, having no hubby support on a weekend is the equivalent of someone who works outside the home working all weekend, 4) The weather was crappy and B had a difficult time with that, 5) I've had a couple of really productive therapy sessions the past few weeks, and while the overall outcome of that is positive, I think I'm probably dealing with some "stuff" all that talk has brought to the surface.

So, what do I do? I don't know. I mean...other than the getting my as* to a gym part. I guess all I can do is continue to be enormously grateful for my amazing husband and unusually sensitive son. Which I am. Day in and day out. Even if I don't always show it because I'm too wrapped up in my own drama and am busy being a big baby.