So. Uhm. Something some of you may not know about me. My parents? Are...the Kringle's. No, I'm serious. They're the Kringles. Every year, they go to the Harvard Coop children's dept. one Saturday in December dressed in their Santa and Mrs. Claus gear and tell stories and listen to wishes and do all the things the Clauses do. But it's more than that. It's really so much more than that. It's the fact that their house around the holidays looks like a literal Christmas town. It's the fact that, when the five of us kids were growing up, they did whatever they could to make Chrismtas as magical as possible, regardless of how the family was doing financially.
The year I was in second grade, my dad was out of work. That was the year that Cabbage Patch Kids were SUPER hot. My parents sat me down and explained that only VERY lucky little girls were getting CPK's that year, because Santa's elves were working their very hardest, but they might not be able to make enough for ALL the little girls who wanted them. I came down the stairs that Christmas morning to my Cabbage Patch Kid, Nellie. And I knew I was the luckiest girl in the whole world. That one event cemented my belief in Santa for years to come.
Even now, watching my parents share their sense of Christmas magic with children they know and children they don't gives me a sense of the magic of the season, and the love and joy that come along with it, if you open yourself up to it. They passed this along to their children, too. We all obsess over shopping for each other, vying to give each other ever more personal and meaningful gifts. It's not about the materialism as much as it is about enjoying the joy on each other's faces when we open a truly well chosen gift.
When E and I got engaged, we pretty much immediately decided on a Christmas-themed wedding. After all, there is no party either of us enjoys more than a Christmas party, so we figured, what could be a better celebration than a giant Christmas party? And our wedding was the most magical, beautiful Christmas party we'd ever been to.
All this is why, even though I'm a 32 year old woman, I still react to Christmas like a little kid. I get hyperactive and distracted now, just like I did all those years ago. I don't want to be at work the week before Christmas; I want to be preparing and just hanging with my family. I still have trouble sleeping on Christmas Eve. And I wouldn't trade that for the world.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Bittersweet
B has been sick this week. This stinks. I hate when he's sick. For a while, he was wheezing and struggling to breathe almost like last summer, and it was scary and I just felt so bad for him. But the silver lining was that I got to stay home with him because he wasn't in shape for daycare. So, I had three days with him, snuggling, playing, hanging out, and not trying to balance work along with it. And that part was awesome. He's becoming such a cool and hilarious little person -not to mention the greatest snuggler this side of his father. So, even though I'm so glad he's feeling better, I'm so sad that our little soujourn has come to an end. He'll be in backup daycare in Boston, right across the street from me, so I'll be able to go and have lunch with him, so at least I get a little reprieve.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Less Fun Anniversary
Today is the ninth anniversary of my grandfather's death. I really can't believe it's been almost 10 years. It seems like just yesterday. He was such a force in our family, and was certainly my favorite person. He had an uncanny ability to make you feel like you were the most special person in the world - the only one who mattered to him. So many of my best and happiest memories of childhood and early adulthood include him. Many of them are of just sitting with him while he rubbed my head and sang 'You Are My Sunshine.'
Most of you probably already know this story, but that's okay. The day Bucky died, we knew he didn't have long, so I decided I'd better head to my sister's house (we were living in Atlanta at the time). In December of 1999, Creed was omnipresent on the radio. So, it wasn't unusual that their song 'Higher' should be on the radio. And I'd never given the song or the band much thought. But in that moment, when I heard that song, which is about heaven, I just had a feeling that it was a message from Bucky. Sure enough, when I got to my sister's house, my brother in law was in the driveway waiting for me, and he told me Bucky had passed away while I was on my way over. Further cementing my belief that the song was a message from him is the fact that on many occasions since then, when I've needed a little lift or reassurance, that song has come on the radio. It becomes more meaningful as time passes, since Creed is...not as omnipresent nowdays. The day we were driving B home from the hospital, we heard it. And it was like a little nod from Bucky that he was watching over my new family.
I still miss Bucky every day. My hope for everyone I care about is that they have a source of such pure, unconditional love in their lives. We all deserve someone who inspires in us a reaction of pure joy and comfort. Even nine years after he left the physical world, I am still comforted by the love and guidance he offers me, in his way.
To you, Buck! xoxoxo
Most of you probably already know this story, but that's okay. The day Bucky died, we knew he didn't have long, so I decided I'd better head to my sister's house (we were living in Atlanta at the time). In December of 1999, Creed was omnipresent on the radio. So, it wasn't unusual that their song 'Higher' should be on the radio. And I'd never given the song or the band much thought. But in that moment, when I heard that song, which is about heaven, I just had a feeling that it was a message from Bucky. Sure enough, when I got to my sister's house, my brother in law was in the driveway waiting for me, and he told me Bucky had passed away while I was on my way over. Further cementing my belief that the song was a message from him is the fact that on many occasions since then, when I've needed a little lift or reassurance, that song has come on the radio. It becomes more meaningful as time passes, since Creed is...not as omnipresent nowdays. The day we were driving B home from the hospital, we heard it. And it was like a little nod from Bucky that he was watching over my new family.
I still miss Bucky every day. My hope for everyone I care about is that they have a source of such pure, unconditional love in their lives. We all deserve someone who inspires in us a reaction of pure joy and comfort. Even nine years after he left the physical world, I am still comforted by the love and guidance he offers me, in his way.
To you, Buck! xoxoxo
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Anniversary
Today is E's and my second anniversary. It's been a pretty eventful two years, obviously. My second anniversary doesn't really look like what I thought it would look like, and yet it's a very satisfying time. Some of my dreams haven't quite come true yet, but the biggies have, in spades.
My whole life, I've been a hopeless romantic. From my earliest memories, I dreamed of finding that one person to fall in love with and build a life with. Maybe it's because, despite often driving each other crazy, my parents had a very passionate and love filled relationship. Maybe it's because my grandparents had the kind of love story you don't think really happens unless/until you've witnessed it. But whatever the reason, it consumed me, this desire to find love. I read romance novels voraciously. I couldn't get enough of romantic movies (I mean...probably not that many 14 year olds in the 1990's had crushes on Gene Kelly - am I right?).
By the time I was 28, I'd gone through a lot of not right guys. There were guys who were not very nice to me, guys who brought out the not very nice side of me, and guys who seemed perfect, but weren't right for me. It always seemed like I'd get right to the brink - right to the point when I'd think, "Maybe..." and it would promptly fall apart. Even E and I, the first time we dated, got to the point when I thought, "Hey, I like this guy," and then it fell apart. In September, 2004, I wrote in my journal, describing exactly the man I was looking for. I described a couple of physical features (smiley eyes, a kind smile) and many, many non-physical attributes. One week after I wrote that entry, E reappeared in my life. And I think that, on some level, I knew right when he reappeared that he was the one for me. Of course, I didn't admit it for a while. I put him through his paces first.
As soon as we decided to be together, I was struck by how easy it was to be together. All the angst that had been part of my previous relationships just wasn't there. Even when I screwed up, which we all inevitably do in the early stages of a relationship, things got resolved easily, with good and satisfying communication. Whenever I had doubts or questions, E would do whatever needed doing to answer those questions or disspell those doubts. I gave many tests and he passed them all; I threw up many obstacles and he cleared them with what seemed like minimal effort. For the first time, I felt safe and secure in a relationship. I felt loved.
My whole life, I had dreamed of having someone throw me a surprise party. I mean DREAMED of it. Kind of obsessively. For my 30th birthday, E did just that. He threw me a HUGE surprise party, full of family and friends. And in the middle of it, he surprised me again by dropping ot his knee, pulling my dream engagement ring out of his pocket, and asking me to marry him. I remember that moment so vividly - the image of the ring, and the thought that I couldn't believe this was really happening to me.
Eleven months after that, on December 2, 2006, we got married. That day was everything a wedding day should be. It was happy, it was fun, it was the beginning of the newest chapter of our life together. If I could relive one day in my life, I'm pretty sure I'd choose that one. It was the day that my best friend, the love of my life, became my husband. What could be better than that?
Two months into our marriage, I got pregnant. It was sooner than we'd planned, and sooner than I probably would've wanted, but isn't the best part of life the fact that sometimes the things we don't plan, don't even know we want, turn out to be dreams come true?
So, although I still have dreams that have yet to come true, my two dearest dreams - to be a wife and to be a mother, already have. And today is a celebration of that. So, thanks to my amazing husband for fulfilling a hopeless romantic's life long dream of true love.
My whole life, I've been a hopeless romantic. From my earliest memories, I dreamed of finding that one person to fall in love with and build a life with. Maybe it's because, despite often driving each other crazy, my parents had a very passionate and love filled relationship. Maybe it's because my grandparents had the kind of love story you don't think really happens unless/until you've witnessed it. But whatever the reason, it consumed me, this desire to find love. I read romance novels voraciously. I couldn't get enough of romantic movies (I mean...probably not that many 14 year olds in the 1990's had crushes on Gene Kelly - am I right?).
By the time I was 28, I'd gone through a lot of not right guys. There were guys who were not very nice to me, guys who brought out the not very nice side of me, and guys who seemed perfect, but weren't right for me. It always seemed like I'd get right to the brink - right to the point when I'd think, "Maybe..." and it would promptly fall apart. Even E and I, the first time we dated, got to the point when I thought, "Hey, I like this guy," and then it fell apart. In September, 2004, I wrote in my journal, describing exactly the man I was looking for. I described a couple of physical features (smiley eyes, a kind smile) and many, many non-physical attributes. One week after I wrote that entry, E reappeared in my life. And I think that, on some level, I knew right when he reappeared that he was the one for me. Of course, I didn't admit it for a while. I put him through his paces first.
As soon as we decided to be together, I was struck by how easy it was to be together. All the angst that had been part of my previous relationships just wasn't there. Even when I screwed up, which we all inevitably do in the early stages of a relationship, things got resolved easily, with good and satisfying communication. Whenever I had doubts or questions, E would do whatever needed doing to answer those questions or disspell those doubts. I gave many tests and he passed them all; I threw up many obstacles and he cleared them with what seemed like minimal effort. For the first time, I felt safe and secure in a relationship. I felt loved.
My whole life, I had dreamed of having someone throw me a surprise party. I mean DREAMED of it. Kind of obsessively. For my 30th birthday, E did just that. He threw me a HUGE surprise party, full of family and friends. And in the middle of it, he surprised me again by dropping ot his knee, pulling my dream engagement ring out of his pocket, and asking me to marry him. I remember that moment so vividly - the image of the ring, and the thought that I couldn't believe this was really happening to me.
Eleven months after that, on December 2, 2006, we got married. That day was everything a wedding day should be. It was happy, it was fun, it was the beginning of the newest chapter of our life together. If I could relive one day in my life, I'm pretty sure I'd choose that one. It was the day that my best friend, the love of my life, became my husband. What could be better than that?
Two months into our marriage, I got pregnant. It was sooner than we'd planned, and sooner than I probably would've wanted, but isn't the best part of life the fact that sometimes the things we don't plan, don't even know we want, turn out to be dreams come true?
So, although I still have dreams that have yet to come true, my two dearest dreams - to be a wife and to be a mother, already have. And today is a celebration of that. So, thanks to my amazing husband for fulfilling a hopeless romantic's life long dream of true love.
Happy Belated Birthday
I meant to write yesterday to wish my grandmother a happy 93rd birthday. After a very rough go earlier this year, she's made what seems like a miraculous recovery and is living happily at an assisted living facility near my parents. xoxoxoxo
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