Love Is Love

Here's the thing. You can disagree if you like, but (sing it with me if you know the words) this is my blog and I'll voice MY opinions, thankyouverymuch. I believe that love is love. I believe that sexual orientation is not, by and large, a "choice" or a "lifestyle" but a part of a person's genetic makeup. Just like race. Forty years ago (give or take), there were laws against marrying someone of another race. And to the vast, vast majority of us now, that seems completely preposterous. And you know what, when my children are adults, you mark my words, they're going to feel the same way about same sex marriage. And I will rejoice in that day.

You can call me Godless for that, if you must. I'm not Godless. I have a wonderful, communicative, fulfilling, comforting relationship with God. God is a part of my life every second of every day. Everything good in my life, God has provided, and I am well and truly grateful, always. And I tell God that, many times daily...when I'm not begging God for the strength not to hit for the hills when my five year old is making me want to tear out my hair, that is. My relationship with God is my business. It's personal.

Another of my opinions is that believing in God, having a relationship with God, need not preclude us from recognizing scientific fact. I think we can believe in God and still believe in evolution. I think we can believe in God and still believe that God made us all different, intentionally, and that God doesn't see those differences as "right" or "wrong."

The thing about the Bible that causes so much trouble is that, for better or worse, it is man's translations of God's teachings. Of course, the men who wrote it received messages from God. But haven't you ever played a game of telephone? Stuff gets lost in translation. I'm truly not trying to make light of serious issues here. It happens. My question is always why we can take certain parts of the bible with a grain of salt, but then must take others absolutely at face value? We've stopped owning slaves and smiting our neighbors for their transgressions, yet for some reason, people get really focused on NOT moving on from the passages they see as forbidding homosexuality. I'm not a biblical scholar, so I don't pretend to be an expert here, but still, that seems kind of lopsided.

It's been very interesting to me to see the gay marriage issue play out on social media. It's been interesting to me to see so many friends change their profile pictures and post pro-marriage equality items. It's been equally interesting to see other friends get decidedly defensive, as if those of us in favor are personally targeting them, in some way. I can only speak for myself. I'm not. At all. It's got nothing to do with anyone personally. It's an issue I believe in. Period. It's also been interesting to see people make fun of those of us speaking up in support - saying things like, "Oh, yea, Facebook and Twitter are gonna make SUCH a difference!" Well, but here's the thing. Social media CAN and HAS made a huge difference in social issues. The hikers who were being held in Iran gave a huge amount of credit to Twitter advocacy to helping get them home. Last year when the Komen Foundation screwed up so enormously, the Facebook and Twitter backlash was so severe that they reversed course. Those are just a couple of examples.

I just can't wait for that day I spoke of before, when people are shocked that gay marriage was ever even an issue. How, as a developed nation, is the US standing in the way of consenting, non-related adults who love each other getting married? The mind, it wobbles.

Luckiest

Nine years ago today, I went with a bunch of friends to one of my favorite events (Harpoonfest) at one of my favorite places (Harpoon Brewery in South Boston) and it changed my life. I remember that a year earlier, I jokingly predicted to a friend of mine, "I love it here. I'm totally meeting my husband here." I never really thought it would be true. But it was.

The thing I remember most about that day is how comfortable I felt with E, right off the bat, which was unusual to say the least, and which made me think I must not be romantically interested in him. Yet, I found myself wanting to be around him. Enough so that I dragged a friend of mine along to see him and his friends at a bar (that was in completely the opposite direction we were headed) they were going to after Harpoonfest. Enough so that I thought, "Sure, what the heck?" when he asked me out. And enough that, when he got back in touch after a brief, ahem, hiatus a few months later, my overwhelming feeling was of relief.

I had always wondered how people get to be so comfortable with the people they are in long term relationships with. And then I met E, and it all made sense. Everything sort of fell into place. Sure, we had our missteps (the aforementioned hiatus among them), but overall, there was a sense of comfort and of easy communication, that wasn't like anything I had experienced before. He once told me he would do whatever it took to gain and keep my trust, and he has spent the days and years since doing exactly that. I can be my total freak show of a self with him and he doesn't bat an eye.

When it came time, in those early days, to have the conversations I'd found excruciatingly difficult to have in other relationships, I found that we could discuss serious matters rationally and respectfully and come to conclusions together. We were a team. And that was amazing. It still is.

Happy Birthday to the love of my life. Thank you for everything. And shouts out to Harpoon Brewery and our friend Jacki for the assists. :-)