Happy Birthday

Today is my sister's younger daughter's second birthday. This is unbelievable. It seems like just a blink ago that we were at the hospital visiting when she was born. She's a feisty little gal, and a hilarious one. She brings life to any party. And her unique pronunciations never cease to delight (her favorite drink is "lenomaaaaaade.") Happy Birthday, Miss!

Stress

I have problems with stress. Always have. I'm constantly working on it. Constantly working on how better to process stress, how better to look at things positively, how better to live in a state other than anxiety. And overall, I'm making progress, but the fact remains that I'm a work IN progress, so occasionally, I still have flare ups. And today was a pretty stressful day. Nothing I can't handle, but there was a lot going on. B had to have an ultra-sound on his belly (turns out he has a viral infection that has caused his spleen to swell slightly - not expected to be a big deal), and there was some stuff at work that was stressful. And when there's a confluence like that, it's hard. I know everything is going to turn out just fine. I know it is. But that doesn't make it less stressful, as much as I might wish it did.

Mother's Day

I am so grateful to be a mom. While I think it's so nice that there is a day set aside each year to show our appreciation for our mothers, for me, it's also an opportunity to appreciate how lucky I am to be a mother. I've written repeatedly here about how my son was unexpected. If I'd been able to plan it, who knows if I'd be a mother yet. But that's why the unexpected things in life are often the best things. My greatest blessing was a complete surprise. And I'm so grateful for him. Even today, when he had a super grumpy morning and gave me a really hard time about everything I tried to get done, I'm so grateful for him. He has given me a sense of purpose in life that I cherish. He has given me a kind of love I never knew I could feel. He has made me comfortable with myself in a way I've never been before.

This morning, we were running early for school, so we took a few minutes to read some stories, and while he sat on my lap, turning pages and pointing to "CAH" (cars) and "DAH" (dogs) and "BA-BALLS" (basketballs and baseballs), I took a moment to just soak in the pleasure of sitting with him, looking at books. Such a simple moment, but that's all it took to turn my mood around.

This afternoon, he had a check up at the doctor. The doctor has determined that he should go in for an ultra-sound, because he felt something in his belly that could potentially be an enlarged spleen. He doesn't think that's what it is (he thinks it's probably nothing) but feels like we should rule it out. I am absolutely positive that B is fine. I'm pretty sure I'd know if something were up. But shit like this is still so terrifying, because if it were something, I hope I'd be able to handle myself like an adult. I'm not entirely sure I would. I hope I won't have to find out.

It's a roller coaster. I've never been much of a fan of roller coasters in general, but this ride is one I'm all in for.