Sunday, February 20, 2011

Trying to Be Coherent

http://joemygod.blogspot.com/2011/02/georgia-wingnut-gop-rep-wants-police-to.html

I saw this via twitter a little while ago, and I've been feeling sick and fighting off tears ever since. I realize this guy is a wing nut and I probably shouldn't even take him seriously, but I just can't ignore the horribly misogynistic overtones of this bill.

I understand that a lot of people are anti-choice. I even understand why. I do. Like I said yesterday, I think it's important for abortion to be legal, but I hardly expect other people to agree with that stance on an issue that is so fraught with emotions. And I understand that this type of wing nut views Roe v. Wade as too difficult to try to overturn, and so the alternative is to create bills like this one.

What makes me want to cry about this bill is the thought of someone having come to me after my miscarriage, an event you all know devastated me emotionally, to "investigate" it, to ensure it was "spontaneous." The bit about asking family members what caused the miscarriage especially sickens me. I can imagine someone going to E and asking him, "What did your wife do to cause this?" I mean...he would've landed himself in jail for punching a cop if he'd been asked that. And furthermore, as I've documented here, no one knows what caused my miscarriage. So, does that mean that this guy thinks I would be under suspicion of murdering my embryo? Chilling, isn't it?

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Disgust

For those of you who don't want to read another of my politically-adjacent rants, well, stop reading now. For those who'd be shocked or offended to learn that I'm pro-choice, do the same.

So, yea, I'm pro-choice. That's right. I'm a pregnant mother who's had a miscarriage that devastated me, and I'm still pro-choice. Would I ever have an abortion? I honestly cannot imagine the scenario in which I would. But I think it's important for it to be legal, for so many varied reasons that I probably wouldn't have time to touch on all of them in this space. I am lucky enough never to have had to face the decision of whether to have one. I've had friends and loved ones who have, and that implication that pro-lifers often make that women make that decision blithely offends me, because I do not know one person who ever made that decision lightly. I know people who still mourn the decision, years later. I know people who know it was the right decision for them at the time, but who still wistfully wonder about the road not taken. But I don't know anyone who ever said, "Eh...easier to just end it." Maybe some MEN think that way, but...they're not the ones with the embryo growing inside them, now are they?

I also have some pretty strong feelings about rape. Shocking, I'm sure. As a daughter, a sister, a wife and a mother of a son, I feel very, very, very strongly that a woman should NEVER falsely accuse a man of rape. There is absolutely no justification for that. It's disgusting and it sets back the cause of rape prevention every single time someone does it. That said, I, and all the women I know, and God willing the men too, know what rape is. And what it's not. Date rape? Is rape. No means no, like we've all been taught. There is no need to redefine the word rape, thank you very much Congressional Republicans. And to you men in Congress who are interested in redefining rape, consider this. If someone sodomized you against your will, would you want to quibble over wording? Or would you just want that person to be punished? Yea. I thought so.

When I lived in Georgia, my insurance company, in their infinite wisdom, decided they were more capable of making decisions about my sex life than I was. As a result, the birth control pills I had been on for four years (to treat severe menstrual cramps, not actually to prevent pregnancy since I was notoriously chaste at the time), became unavailable to me. If I wanted them, I had to go to Planned Parenthood to get them. Which begs the question - aren't birth control pills cheaper, and don't they require fewer taxpayer dollars, than the CHILDREN who would need support from the government if women can't get birth control? I realize I'm not addressing the moral argument here. And that's because I believe birth control is responsible, not sinful.

The reason I've found myself straying from the Democratic party of late is that I don't think government is responsible for everything. As much as I hate to agree with Sarah Palin, I don't think it's any of Michelle Obama's business whether I breastfeed my baby or not (I will, because I want to, but it's still none of anyone else's business). But by the same token, my reproductive health is also none of your business. Taking federal funding away from Planned Parenthood because abortion offends you is ignorant and short-sighted. There are plenty of organizations out there that get federal funding, and PP is one that actually saves this country money in the long run.




Saturday, February 5, 2011

Eat, Pray, Love

People had really strong reactions to this book when it was all the rage a couple of years ago. People I know either loved it - a lot - or dismissed it as navel-gazing drivel. I can appreciate both points of view. Some of it is rather self-involved and self-indulgent. But I was among the people who really appreciated it. For two reasons. 1) My brother went through a similarly interminable divorce in New York, so that part was excruciatingly relatable, and 2) I could relate to Liz Gilbert's sense of being in something she didn't want. NOT my marriage, to be clear.

What I didn't want to be in was my so-called career. I'm smart. Always have been. It's kind of been one of my things. As such, everyone in my life had expectations of me. Among those, of course, was career success. And I had that expectation of myself, too. And then, after having some really terrible experiences in my work life, and after experiencing the magic that is my son, I realized...I didn't want to be there anymore. There being my entire professional life.

So, rather than setting off on a round the world journey of self discovery, I started my own search. I started this blog. I started thinking about ways I could leave my career. I started contemplating being a stay at home mother for a while. And so many people in my life thought I was completely nuts. But when it came down to it, only three opinions mattered - mine, my husband's, my son's. And we all came into agreement. So, I left my career.

It's been around nine months now. And it's not a piece of cake, by any stretch. My son sometimes drives me up a wall, especially during this interminable winter, when we are largely cooped up. I feel like a lazy, underachieving piece of crap sometimes. I miss having my own steady paycheck. I miss cocktails with colleagues. But in my heart of hearts, I know I made the right choice, and I can't imagine having made a different one.

It's not the choice for everyone. It's a very personal, very individual choice. And for me, it won't be forever. But for me, it was the right thing. I hope it was the right thing for my son, too, and I think it was.