I miss my Dad all the time. All the time. But there are times when his absence feels particularly sharp. Today is one of those days. There were two things going on today that I could really have benefitted from discussing with him. And while I know he's watching over me, and while I do communicate with him, after a fashion, a nice, old-fashioned phone chat would've been super reassuring.
How do I communicate with him? Well, let's see.
The morning of his birthday, the week before last, I was awakened by the sensation of his kissing me on the cheek. He used to do that if he left for work while I was still sleeping, and it was a very distinct feeling, since he had a beard my entire life. I jolted awake, and then of course realized that he wasn't actually in my room, kissing my cheek. At least not on the physical plain. But it still felt like a message from him - some reassurance that things are going the way they're meant to.
Other times, it's more just a feeling I get. I tend to get so tense and anxious, and occasionally, I'll get this feeling of peace. It just comes over me. And maybe that sounds loopy or hippie dippy or whatever, but to me, it's just his way of letting me know he's with me.
I don't know. I just still have my sad moments, and my moments when I miss him so much.
This weekend was Memorial Day weekend - the first weekend we get together as a family each summer. My brother and his wife just finished building a new house at the beach. My Dad was such a big part of the planning of the house, and there is so much about it that he would have LOVED. So, while it was an amazing, fun weekend with amazing, fun people in an amazing, fun place, there were so many reminders of his absence. We all felt it. I know he was there with us, but it sure would've been nice to have him THERE with us.
