Come on!

Who wouldn't love this badass baby?!

A Year Ago

A year ago, I didn't even know I was pregnant yet. A year ago, the egg hadn't even implanted yet. A year ago, I knew I wanted kids someday, but I wasn't sure when, exactly, someday was. And now, I have a beautiful four month old son with strawberry blonde hair, grey-blue eyes, magnificent cheeks, and a smile that lights up a room and my life. He has a smile that literally chokes me up just to look at. And I think sometimes, what if I HADN'T forgotten to pick up my pill prescription that month? What if we HAD been "careful" that night? What if I had missed out on this miracle? I suppose I wouldn't even know the difference. Still though, I thank God every day for my forgetfulness. I thank God for this surprise, every time I see that smile. I thank God, even during sleepless nights, that this child was determined enough to join us, despite it not being in my plans. Because sometimes, you can't anticipate the best parts of your life; you just have to trust and allow the wonderful things to come to you. Sometimes, you're just not in control, and sometimes, that's the best part.

Sicky Sweet

My sweet boy is sick. I hate this more than I ever thought I would ever hate anything. I know he's going to be fine. Babies get sick. They get colds like everyone else. He's even had a couple already and after a couple days, he feels better. But while he's sick, I absolutely hate it. It tears me up inside for him to feel miserable. I worry about him and I get exhausted because I can't sleep when he's under the weather. This is kind of an unexpected aspect of motherhood. I mean, I knew I would worry, and I knew I would hate when he got sick, but I didn't realize the intensity these feelings would take on. I just can't wait till he feels better.

Sunny Days...Sweepin' the Clouds Away...

It's been a crappy weather week. There was snow. There was ice. There was rain. There was wind. Mostly, there were clouds. It was a grey and dreary week. Today, it's still pretty chilly, but at least the sun is out. Days like this fill me with a desire to get out of the house and do something. I'm never sure what - but cabin fever runs strong in this one. One of the things I miss about living in Boston is the immediacy with which I could go places. When I lived in Beacon Hill and it was a day like this, I could stroll down to The Hill to meet my friend Ellen for a celebratory Guiness. Or I could stroll down to the Common and just walk around among all the other Bostonians who were equally relieved to get a little Vitamin D. I have an innate fear and anxiety over wasting a good day. Today, we packed up our little man and went for a little walk. It was just a few minutes, but it was nice to get outside. Now I just have to figure out what next...

Happy Valentine's Day

I've never been a fan of Valentine's Day. It is kind of a bullshit holiday, let's be honest. Not only that, it's a bullshit holiday that alienates a good portion of the population. But now, at a point when I have so much love in my life, it doesn't seem like quite such an appalling notion to take a day to celebrate it. So, I guess I'll go with it. It's an extra opportunity to thank my husband for putting up with my nonsense.

Meanwhile, a little something nifty...my grandfather always sang "You Are My Sunshine" to us grandkids when we were little. Whenever any of us hears it, we think of him. Occasionally, I'll hear it, or even just a little snippet of it, and it always calls him to mind. Today, as I was walking through Alewife Station, the guy who plays trumpet there in the mornings started playing it. It was like a little Valentine's wish from Bucky. So, as long as I'm writing, Happy Valentine's Day, Bucky!! xoxo

I won't grow up!

I don't feel old. I don't feel any older, really, than I did 10 years ago. Granted, my life has changed in a million ways since then. But my overall sensibility isn't that different. I still have similar taste in clothes. I still like current music. I still love Opie & Anthony. But then I have days like today, and it all hits home. Today, I had brunch with a bunch of friends I've known since I was a little girl. One of those friends has two children and another is pregnant with her second. And I have one. The other two have been married and in a relationship for over five years, respectively. In short, we are adults. It seems like it all happened so fast. But then I realize that this year is our 10 year anniversary of college graduation. How did that happen?

Whoa.

Having grown up in New England, specifically 10 minutes from Foxborough Stadium, I am a lifelong Patriots fan. And for most of the time I was growing up, they were fairly awful. It was kind of a dubious thing, being a Patriots fan. Yea, they went to the Superbowl in '85, but most of us remember how that turned out, right? And then they went again in '96...and it wasn't much better. But then everything changed in the early 2000's. If someone had told me 15 years ago, or even 10 years ago, that the Patriots would be playing for both a Superbowl win AND an undefeated season, I very well may have laughed and called them nuts. I cannot predict whether they'll win. The Giants are a good team, who played the Patriots very strongly in the last game of the season. But whether or not they win, it's been a pretty thrilling ride, not just this season, but the past six years, watching them go from perpetual underdogs to a team that is consistently compared to the Evil Empire for their dominance. Pretty cool. GO PATS!!!