Parenting in Pandemic: A Jumble of Thoughts and Mixed Metaphors

I'm not sure where or when I first heard or thought of this, but the metaphor I've most often associated with motherhood is of being in water. You try as hard as you can to keep your head above water. Sometimes, you're successful. Sometimes, you feel as though your head is going beneath the surface. As if you're drowning.

This morning, the clutter in my kitchen was drowning me. So, simple solution, right? I took an hour and straightened and cleaned and scrubbed and emptied and refilled. So, my kitchen feels less drowny now. But I'm still fighting the current to keep the REST of the water from engulfing me.

At the risk of mixing metaphors, we are parenting by triage these days, aren't we? Whatever seems most urgent is the thing we address. And the rest of it waits there to rage back at us once we get that one thing under control. Homes. Work. Kids. Schoolwork. Volunteer activities. Anxiety over a global pandemic. Uncertainty about whether our lives will ever get "back to normal" and what that "normal" might even look like. They are like waves against our dinghies. And we are just trying to stay afloat. To keep our heads above the water.

Back in late February/early March, I felt like I was drowning in volunteer stuff. It was the busiest time of year for a number of my volunteer organizations. I had meetings every weeknight. I had to do lists a mile long. I love to be involved, but I felt like I needed a break. And then...everything stopped. And for a few weeks, there was a standstill. The only thing I was fighting was fear and uncertainty. That was a surreal feeling.

Eventually, things started needing to be done again. I actually owe a few people emails regarding stuff I volunteer for. Sorry, guys. Haven't forgotten you. It's just that my emotional bandwidth is kind of maxed out just now.

I feel like I'm failing in so many ways. I know I'm not alone in that. It feels impossible to keep up with my kids' schoolwork, my part time job, my house (having a house cleaner is BY FAR my favorite luxury and GOD do I miss that woman), keeping my kids' anxiety at bay, being the mediator for all manner of conflict between all manner of people in my life...waves against my dinghy.

I'm not writing this because I want anyone's sympathy. I'm not even writing this because I want or need anyone's advice. I'm writing this because I think so many of us are feeling this way these days, and I want someone reading this to feel less alone.

We are going to make it through this storm. And the optimist in me genuinely believes that our children will be stronger and more empathetic for it. We just have to keep our heads above water in the meantime. We have to keep our dinghies afloat. And we need each other to do that.