I mean, I guess the good news is that A LOT more people know the word Alopecia today than three days ago. It's been a lot. And rather than submitting comments on posts and debating people whose minds I won't change, I thought maybe it would help to clear my head to get my thoughts out here.
Let's back up, though. Because Sunday night's drama was not even the most significant thing the Alopecia community has experienced in the past couple weeks.
Earlier this month, 12 year old Rio Allred of Elkhart, IN, died by suicide, after brutal bullying she experienced due to her Alopecia. Unlike my E, Rio had been diagnosed more recently, and had lost her hair over the past year. I can only imagine how difficult losing all her hair for the first time in middle school must have been to begin with. But then kids in her school did things like pull her wigs off her head. And the school's response was...nothing of substance. And so, life became something Rio could no longer tolerate.
This precise thing is the nightmare that lives in the back of every Alopecia parent's head. EVERY ONE OF US. We don't talk about it in such bleak terms. But it's there. All the time. And it happened for Rio's parents. My heart has been broken and heavy for two weeks.
Cut to Sunday night. I'm sitting on my sofa, watching the Oscars. And this crazy series of events unfolds on screen. I'm going to be honest, because that's what I do in this space. My immediate reaction was to cheer Will Smith. And I'll tell you why. I have been there. I have heard someone mock my beautiful, brave, confident, bold (tm Baldtourage) child, and I have had the urge to smack the shit out of that someone. Why haven't I? Well, for one thing, most of the people mocking her have been children. So. You know. Jail has stopped me. For another, I'm a 5'4" (on a tall day) woman. So, even when it's been an adult who said something stupid, what am I, gonna fight a grown ass man? Don't get me wrong, I can come at you like a hurricane of hair and finger nails (just ask my middle brother), but attacking a stranger unpredictable enough to say something dumb about a child would be dangerous for me, and as a mom, I have to think of things like that.
Like most of us, I was online a lot on Sunday night. And immediately, a theme showed itself. The vast majority of people were ONLY blaming and shaming Will for his actions. Almost no one was even mentioning the joke Chris Rock made that stoked Will's ire. And I was like, "Wait. WHAT?" The dude mocked a woman's medical condition on international television, and it wasn't even warranting a piece of the discussion?
An author and podcaster for whom I have generally had a great deal of respect roundly condemned Will Smith without offering one single iota of context. I called her out on that on Twitter, on MULTIPLE of her tweets, to no avail. It was beyond disappointing.
Even as my head cooled, and I was able to think more rationally about how ill-advised and wrong it was for Will Smith to resort to physical assault, on live television, no less, my frustration that the grossness of making a joke about someone's Alopecia never waned. As I am wont to point out to the throngs of people who regularly forget online, freedom of speech does NOT equal freedom from consequences. Chris made a gross joke about Jada Pinkett-Smith's medical condition (about which she has been extremely open and public, so please miss me with the 'he didn't know' hot takes), and he faced consequences. NO. Two wrongs do not equal a right. NO. Will Smith did not handle the situation appropriately. But it's telling that Chris declined to press charges, isn't it?
My concern as we headed into yesterday was that the drama of it all and the focus on the physical violence would overshadow the opportunity to spread awareness about WHY that joke was so uncool to make. And at first, that is precisely what happened. But by today, I've seen more and more discussions of Jada's Alopecia, and more people taking the time to discuss WHY Will threw hands. And that gives me a glimmer of hope.
The thing is, I have felt that kind of rage. So has my husband. And he was honest about that in a discussion yesterday and was told he was what is wrong with our country today. Guys, I assure you, he is not. He is literally the best person I know. He's also honest enough to admit that his love and protectiveness of his daughter could, in the right circumstance, lead him to slap the snot out of someone.
Especially on the heels of our community's loss of Rio due to these exact type of jokes and remarks, our Alopecia community on the whole was already feeling so raw and so protective of our Alopecians. So, to see that whole thing play out on TV the way it did was just like a second slap to the face (pardon the pun).
Just like most things in life, I don't expect that everyone will have the same perspective that I will. Not everyone has a unicorn (person with Alopecia) in their lives. And that's actually a shame, because unicorns are the best, bravest, most beautiful human beings I have come across in my time on this planet. I mean, one of the closest people to my daughter is a 27 year old, badass, bald model and professional dancer who is literally on tour with a musician, but still takes time to check on her girlies. I like to think I'm not an overly selfish person, but I know for certain I wasn't that selfless at 27. And she's just one example.
So, regardless of how you feel about Will and Jada as people, or how you feel about Chris Rock as a comic, please try to understand the two very real sides to this story. And just know that when you come for someone in the Alopecia Community, you come for all of us...and I don't advise that, because I have never witnessed such badass Mama Bear energy...and not just from the Mamas.
No comments:
Post a Comment