Raw Nerves

Once you become a Mom, you get put on everyone's distribution lists for all those "Mom" emails. You know the ones. They talk about the unfathomable beauty of motherhood and they describe, sometimes in detail you don't really need, the ways motherhood impacts every last aspect of your life. And it's not that they're not accurate. They usually are. But on the whole, I find them to be not all that well written and I find they kind of try too hard at eloquence. Not that I am like a bastion of writing excellence, but I'm entitled to my opinion.

But there is one I've gotten a few times that always kind of strikes a chord. It talks about how motherhood is like having a heart on the outside, or a permanently exposed nerve. That shit? Is true. That's precisely how it feels. No longer can I see any sort of movie, TV show, news story, etc, etc, about a mother losing her child or a child losing his mother without breaking down in tears. It's immediate and powerful.

This morning, B had to get an H1N1 shot. I've been terrified that he wouldn't be able to get one, and with his history of asthma, that could be a bad thing. But then, when it was time to get it, I was scared to death. I know the risk of not getting one is much greater than the risk of getting one. I know all the facts and did the research. But immunizations are still nerve wracking to me; this one in particular, since it's still pretty new. And of course, getting shots in general stinks because any time I have to be complicit in causing my child pain is a time I do not enjoy in the least. But it all went fine, of course, and my little toughie was barely phased, especially since he got a lollipop after the shot. The nurse said he was her best patient all morning!

Anyway, that raw nerve sometimes bleeds into other areas of my life, and so I apologize if you're one of the unlucky ones who's taken the brunt, on occasion.