I'm a more positive person than I was a year ago. Sure, I'm still neurotic as hell and I should probably be prescribed anti-anxiety meds, and I'm sure that seems counter to the idea of being a positive person, but it's true that I am. 2009 was a really difficult year. Not that I suffered any great personal tragedy - only vicarious ones, although too many of those, but it was one of those personal growth type years that are just kind of agonizing to get through. I learned an enormous amount about myself, including the fact that I did have reserves to get through another difficult year, even though I thought I'd burned through all my reserves in 2008. Things started to turn around late in 2009, though. E got that new job, my job turned a corner toward...less miserable, at any rate. What does all this portend for 2010? How could I possibly know that right now? What I do know is that E and I prayed and Secret-ed for a bunch of stuff over the course of 2009 and by the end of the year, a lot of it was coming to fruition. And that'll really restore a girl's faith.
All that said, I hardly think I'm complete. I'm certainly a work in progress. I still worry. I still walk around with a pit in my stomach like 85% of the time. I still get hurt feelings over things I shouldn't take personally, but do. I still feel resentful when I feel like I'm giving more than I'm getting. And all of these things mean that staying positive takes active effort on my part. And I still need to figure out precisely what it is that I want, in some areas of my life, because how can I hope for something if I'm not even sure what it is, am I right? Sigh. Life's the journey, right? Yea.
Sorry this post is a bit of a brain dump. I've got work to get started on and needed to clear the rubble, a bit.
Happy Groundhog Day. SPOILER ALERT: there are six more weeks of winter.
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