Stuff and Nonsense

Crap. I said I was gonna write more, didn't I? Ok. Here's me, writing more.

Yesterday was  E1's birthday. Thirteen years to the day since we met at Harpoonfest. I was overcome with mushiness at one point yesterday, thinking how grateful I am that I decided to go to Harpoonfest that day, and how grateful I am for the love of my life, who is the best partner I could've hoped for. I so love that guy, y'all.

One  of the interesting things about no longer working my office job is that I have had more time to re-focus on myself. I'm still crazily busy, but I have pockets of time by myself during the day. And in those pockets, I'm starting to remember to be aware of some of my patterns.

I overthink things. Everything, really. I get in my own head and make myself anxious and angsty and it's annoying AF and I really need to get back to working on NOT doing that anymore.

I am definitely in a better, more self assured headspace than I was the last time I left a job (when my self confidence had been stripped awfully bare). But still, I question myself more than I probably need to. I don't trust myself and my own judgment sometimes when I should. I am by far my own worst critic. One would think that knowing that would be beneficial, right? Not that simple, though.

On the other hand, the new workout regimen I'm on has me feeling better physically than I have in ages. I'm enjoying challenging myself in new ways, and I'm beginning to see some positive results. I'm beginning to feel a bit more like the me I couldn't find in the mirror, and that's a great feeling.

Most importantly, I feel more present for my kids. My precious angel assholes* who are my whole world and the bane of my existence all wrapped up in cherubic packages. They drive my absolutely bananas more days than not, but I'm happier than I can adequately express to be able to focus more fully on them again. Some women can successfully and happily work full time and be rockstar moms, but I've made peace with the fact that I'm not one of them. At least not right now.

*If you somehow stumbled upon this blog and are someone who is offended by my using this word for my precious babes, then you're going to want to move along. Kids are assholes sometimes. Mine included. If we can't laugh about it, then what's it even all about?