One of my strong points, one of the things I'm known for, is that I have a lot of patience. Not in terms of waiting for things, but in terms of people - I can be very patient with difficult people or people who are in difficult moods. It's what made me (I hope) a good teacher, and it's what makes me a good mother...most of the time.
But I still have days when I'm just overtired and overstressed and overwhelmed, and it's like B senses that innately and wakes up SUPER early those days and then is a grumpy, whiny bear all morning. And that's the kind of morning we had this morning.
It's so hard to be patient when your reserves are empty. It's so hard to be the unflappable Mommy you want to be. And so, if you're me, you end up being more snappish than you'd normally be (which of course exacerbates the whining etc) and you end up just rushing for the finish line of dropping the child at daycare so you can get some work done. And then you sit there, staring at your computer screen, hating yourself for not being a better mother and a better person. You obsess over that sad little face and think you're just a wretched human being for not being more nurturing when your toddler is overtired himself. You completely block out the wonderful half hour you spent cuddling and singing with him when he was smiling and giggling.
And on those days, all you can hope is that he'll take a great nap at daycare and come home ready to give you another shot. Which he will, because he isn't nearly as affected by your mutual grumpiness as you are. And thank God for that.
1 comment:
So True!!
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