That said, I want to say what it is like, for me, at least.
It's like having your heart broken, is the closest thing I can think of. I don't mean a run of the mill break up. I'm talking about that break up most of us go through once in life, when it's that person you think might be the person you'll end up with, and then they pull the rug out from under you and tell you that, in fact, that won't be happening. And you're just sad. Really sad. And then for a long time after that, every morning when you wake up, you remember all over again that your heart is broken. And there are times throughout the day that something will come to mind that you want to tell that other person - some inside joke or little story about your day you know they'd love, and you have to remind yourself they're gone.
That's what it's like. I wake up in the morning and realize all over again what happened. Every time I go to eat, I think, "Can I eat this?" And then I remember it doesn't matter anymore. And all the plans I'd started to make break my heart all over again.
But at the same time, this really sad, disappointing experience has made me feel so blessed. I'm blessed with a husband who loves me and truly wants to make me happy. I'm blessed with a beautiful son, who, if he ends up being the only child I ever have, makes me the luckiest mommy I could be. I am blessed with a family who is supportive and spent the weekend pampering and spoiling me (and looking the other way at my hormone-addled crying jags). I am blessed with a group of friends who have checked in with me and offered support in myriad ways. There is so much love surrounding me. It gives me hope.
And, as it's Labor Day, summer is unofficially over. And as sad as I am about that, because I LOVE summer, and have LOVED this summer with my little man, I also LOVE autumn, and as I have written about before, autumn is my time of magic. Wonderful things have come into my life in the autumn, and I know that will happen again this year.
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