Sequel

When I was pregnant with B, I, like many first time preggies, constantly got the question, "Is this your first?" and when I answered yes, SO many people said things along the lines of, "Enjoy it, because it will never be this enjoyable again." And that kind of drove me nuts. I mean, I GET that the first time is sort of magical and mysterious, and I GET that if you don't have a child to run around after, you have more time to pamper your pregnant self (not that I had TONS of time to do that, with my insane job and even more insane commute, but I had SOME, at least), etc, etc. But it still sort of drove me nuts.

And now I think I probably have more perspective on it, since I am, in fact, pregnant with one of those subsequent children I didn't want to get the short end of the stick. And in some ways, all those people were right. Pregnancy isn't quite as mysterious as it was last time, although this pregnancy has found its own ways to surprise and mystify me in good ways and not so good ways. And I am flat out exhausted, even more than I was last time. Last time, even though I was working and unbelievably stressed out as a result of the dysfunction that surrounded me, I DID nap a lot - often to AND from work (E drove), in the evenings, and most definitely on weekends. And not that I don't nap now - I do, sometimes unintentionally (like today, when I sat down on the sofa and promptly PASSED OUT for half an hour), but it's harder to come by.

But at the same time, there are ways in which I'm...I don't want to say "more excited," because that seems like it would be mean to B, but I do think anyone reading this knows how unprepared I was for that pregnancy, so as a result, it's a nice feeling to have gotten pregnant truly on purpose. I'm not quite as terrified as I was last time, which is nice.

Additionally, it's unbelievably nice not to be working in a job where, spoken or unspoken, my pregnancy was a liability. It's nice not to have that external stress adding to my already often stressy and anxious nature. It's nice that, on days when I feel sick or especially tired, I can make adjustments for that (notwithstanding earlier today, when I was absolutely exhausted, but B was SO fired up to get outside and play street hockey that I couldn't deny him).

So, I don't know that I could say absolutely that this time is less "special" or whatever than last time was. Sure, it's not my first pregnancy, but it's my first time being pregnant with THIS baby, so that's special, right?