I had another dark patch this week. I'm beginning to see a pretty clear pattern in terms of when these happen in my hormonal cycle, which is helpful in a way, even if it doesn't completely stop it from happening. At least I can approach my doctor with this theory as a starting point, though. And I'm through it now, which is a huge relief.
Even though there have been a lot of elements of my life recently that have been difficult, I am so blessed in so many ways, and when I go through dark moments, that is what keeps me going. I am married to a kind, loving, brilliant man, who would go to great lengths to make me smile. I have a beautiful, happy, healthy son with the most infectious laugh I've ever heard. I have a family who loves us and supports us in any way they can. I have friends who have been with me through thick and thin, and who offer me encouragement in a million ways both verbal and non-verbal. And as much as I complain about my job and Eric's in this space, the fact is, we both have jobs. Good jobs. Jobs that I truly believe we will leave on our own terms, when the time comes. (Leave aside for now that I think the time is coming soon.)
My mother is a big believer in counting your blessings. It's something I picked up from her. This is a good thing, since I also picked up her hyperworrisome anxiety. But looking at your life and remembering all the ways you are blessed is both a restorative and a grounding activity. When you get too into your own head or your own troubles, just stepping back and reminding yourself of the ways you are fortunate can do wonders. I'm not writing this to go all Gwyneth on your asses. I do not believe myself qualified to teach anybody else how to live. This is as much a reminder for me as anything. Because I DO get too into my own head. And, to borrow from Jai Pausch (a woman who has seen MUCH more difficult days than I) in an interview I saw with her, "It's not helpful."
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