Introspection

I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately. I've been thinking a lot about the important things in life and how to live it in a satisfying and meaningful way. I've been thinking about "living your bliss" as it were. So, what's my bliss?

As I said in my last post, a huge part of my bliss is B. When I think of him smiling or giggling, or snuggling up to me and playing with my hair, or talking, or walking, or a million other little things he does, the feeling that comes over me is a truly pure joy. When he's sitting on my lap, enjoying his before bed bottle, sometimes he'll reach his little hand up to touch the hair on the back of my head. He'll stroke it very gently (which is big - "gentle" is not the word I would generally use to describe B's approach to...anything), and look up at me contentedly. In those moments, life is as good as it gets.

As I've said many other times, a big part of my bliss is writing. I genuinely enjoy the process of choosing words and turns of phrase, of creating characters and writing dialogue for them. I know I've created a good character when that character sticks with me beyond the writing process. If I find myself spacing out in the middle of a work day, imagining what might happen next to a character, I know I'm onto something. And the same goes for enjoying other people's writing. When I find a book or an author I enjoy, there is such joy in that, it can permeate my entire life.

Another part of my bliss is talking to my friends and family, giving advice where I can, getting it where I can. I'm a social creature. That might sound odd, because I'm kind of shy, but it's true. I crave social interaction. Whether it's with family or friends, there is little in life I enjoy more than a good conversation. It can be about any topic - relationships, politics, whatever. And on the occasions that I find some nugget of...usefulness...to pass along, I feel like I'm contributing to the world in my small way.

Yet another part of my bliss is simple times in the sunshine with my boys. The simple act of taking a walk with them, or going to a playground, or just sitting in the back yard - any of these things - offers me more enjoyment than I could have imagined not so long ago. Watching B explore the outdoors with his dad following behind him, puts an immediate and lasting smile on my face.

So, the one area of my life that isn't really included in this list is my profession. I mean, obviously writing is the profession I seek in the long term, but right now, I'm not yet making a living at it. So, I want to at least find a profession that offers me, if not actual joy, at least some sort of satisfaction. I want to finish a work day and feel good about what I've done that day. It's been a really long time since I've felt that, and I really want to find my way back to it.