Some days, it's like nothing goes right. The baby is grumpy and screaming. The coworkers are grumpy and screaming. You're exhausted because you haven't slept through the night since your honeymoon (in 2006). You have a headache and your shoulders are in knots so tight that lifting the screaming baby caused you to pull a muscle. Your bank account has dwindled to a point you haven't seen since you were paying more than you probably should've for an apartment you loved in the city. You're facing another daunting winter of driving hours in the snow to reach a job that you hate. And then hours back through the snow to reach a house you don't hate, exactly, where you'll inevitably find the baby has already fallen asleep and you've missed another day.
I honestly don't mean to sound self pitying here. I realize that in reality I've got it pretty great. But my child, whom I love with everything in me, has not stopped yelling and/or screaming all day. Combine that with trying to get some work done, and people from work calling approximately 42 times, and it's a recipe for disaster. It's hard to process what your coworkers are saying when your 11 month old is screaming so loudly you can't hear them. Days like this, it all just snowballs and overwhelms me. And I feel like such a whiny baby and such a failure. I mean, there are MILLIONS of working mothers out there. Millions of women make this work. I know they do. Why am I having such a hard time with it? Why can't I just SNAP OUT OF IT already?! I feel defective, for Christ's sake.
AH. Thank you. Venting is such sweet catharsis. I needed to get that off my chest. Back to work with me.
No comments:
Post a Comment