Why is it that you can spend a whole day being completely exhausted and just wishing for bed time, and then when it's finally time to sleep, you're suddenly wide awake, and every single thing that's weighing on your mind comes to you in a flash, keeping you from being able to even relax, let alone drift off...? What IS that? I get so frustrated, because it makes me feel mentally weak that I can't seem to banish the thoughts and just make myself go to sleep.
While we're on the topic of feeling weak, let's talk about my job. I'm not happy in my job, which I think I've alluded to before. I'm in a group that seems to be fundamentally broken. And I'm at a point where I'm tired of trying to fix things. Frankly, no one wants me to. So, I've pretty much come to the conclusion that it's time to move on. My husband and I have talked it to death, and we've decided it's time for me to quit. Maybe spend some time not working full time, since even when I'm working full time, fully half of my pay goes to daycare anyway. But, we're also trying to move, and it'll be harder to afford to move if I'm not working. So, I feel like a failure in a way, that I can't seem to just suck it up and deal with the job. I wish I could explain it. It's just that, I feel like there is such a more important job in my life now, and this other one with all its encumbent nonsense is taking too much time and focus away from my real job, of being B's mother.
3 comments:
Lins -- Bravo! You sound exactly how I feel about my own place of employment. Don't give in to the feeling that there's something wrong with YOU or that you're weak or anything. M pointed out to me that I was starting to sound like a woman who is in an abusive relationship and has come to believe she deserves the abuse. Which is never, ever true.
re: p#1 -- UGH YES! How many times do I say, as I literally nod off at my desk "Ok in bed at 9pm tonight", only to cut to 8 hours later, 11:30pm, saying "probably should think about falling asleep soon..."
re: p#2 -- yay! :)
p.s. if you see this b4 4pm, call me, I need S's address!
Hey ladies...thanks both for your thoughts. :)
Sonce - yes, someone recently pointed that similarity out to me, too. It's crazy how that happens, isn't it??
Stace - clearly, I didn't see your post before 4 PM...but I'm glad I saw your bberry msg! ;)
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